Fine Without You
by Maggie Doyle
Summary: Sara Sidle runs away to Manhattan’s crime lab after losing her husband and finds friendship in an SVU detective. Crossover with CSI. Slight AU
1. Chapter 1

Fine Without You

**Summary**: Sara Sidle runs away to Manhattan's crime lab after losing her husband and finds friendship in an SVU detective.

**A/N**: Slightly AU from CSI side. Sara never left in Goodbye and Good Luck and instead stayed and Vegas to marry Gil. Takes place after Zebras as Sara is O'Halloran replacement.

**Disclaimer**: Own nothing.

* * *

The funeral was Friday in the early afternoon. Instead of the classic movie like cloud overhead and dark rainy night, it was one of the most beautiful days Vegas had seen in years. This was not how Sara expected to say goodbye to the one man she loved. She wanted the world to cry with her, wondering if it knew about the wonderful man it just lost.

Friends stayed close, rubbing her arm in some awkward form of condolence. They smiled at her, all with the same sympathetic look in their eyes. They told her how much he meant to them, as they tried not to stare at her bruised left cheek and large scar forming over her right eye.

Greg drove her back to her apartment, giving her the over used we're-here-for-you speech. He tried to come in, make sure his mute friend was actually okay, but her stubbornness prevented such actions. Instead he hugged her goodbye.

* * *

Sara pulled her carry-on down from its overhead compartment.

"_Maybe somewhere new, this place, he will always be here."_

Greg's words echoed as she walked down the aisle of the overcrowded middle class. Sara tried to stay in Vegas, the closest thing she had to friends had been there, but she couldn't stay there any longer. Vegas was his thing. The only reason she moved there was to grow closer to him and without him there, it just seemed empty. So a month after his funeral she found a job at Manhattan's crime lab, far away from the desert heat.

Sara moved to the luggage gate, collecting her only bag before hailing a cab to her new home. The taxi driver set off when she gave him the address, slowly working his way through traffic. The silence gave Sara an odd sense of comfort as she watched the city buildings grow. She brought and hand up to her right eye, tracing the scar in remembrance of such a horrible night.

"_You'll do fine without me."_

His last lie haunted her still. Sometimes she wondered if he actually believed them. He knew how broken she was, how dependent she has always been on him. How could he possibly expect her to do fine without him? She wanted to hate him for lying to her in those last breaths, but the image of his broken body made him impossible to hate.

"We are here Miss." The voice startled Sara before she reached into her oversized purse and handed the cabbie his money. He helped her get the bags from the back before driving off. She grabbed the two bags and headed into the complex, taking the stairs to the third floor. As she found her door about twenty feet from the stairs she unlocked the door. She was happy to see her furniture in place and about five boxes stacked neatly in the corner with her personal things.

She sat down her bags next to the black sofa Grissom and she picked out only months ago. Taking a seat she reached into her purse and pulled out Grissom's bible, hugging it close to her body as she silently cried.

* * *

Sara started the next day at the new lab. The commute wasn't as bad as she expected and she showed up almost twenty minutes before her shift. She spent the better part of her first shift being introduced to everyone and given a tour of the place. After a few days of shadowing she was put on a regular schedule. Unlike Vegas, Manhattan placed field CSIs to work with the same group of detective. She had less hands-on responsibilities than in Vegas, but the new change was something she wasn't completely against.

Her first case was a mother, raped and killed in her own home. Sara disengaged, processed the scene with little flashbacks to her own terror. After processing the scene for about twenty minutes, the lead detectives showed up. She noticed the woman detective first. She walked in with confidence, not too shaken by the morbid scene in front of her. Her partner, a very toned detective, stood behind her and surveyed the room quietly, replaying what might have happened. Sara went back to her work, searching for clues around the bed.

"Find anything on the body?" The new voice startled Sara. Taking a deep breath she looked up to find the older male detective maybe a foot away, looking over the body.

"Oh… umm… He wore a condom, but she fought back. There are… there's blood underneath the nails," Sara stuttered, lifting up the dead bodies hands to show the detective as she blushed from her awkwardness. She really was fine around guys, just once she was distressed; she found it hard to calm down.

"Anything else on the body?" he asked with an award winning smile which under other circumstances would have made Sara blush.

"I've collected a few green hairs by the body. They look like they came from a carpet or…" Sara drifted off with a small, awkward smile.

"Whacha got?" The new voice came from his partner who walked over from talking to the officer on scene. Sara opened her mouth to repeat herself but her partner took over, giving her the cue to get back to work.

* * *

About two days later Sara had almost finished comparing the green hairs to a few different samples when the two detectives stopped by.

"Are you the CSI covering the Lamburnt cause?" The female detective asked when they got close to Sara.

"Oh… umm… yeah…. I was about to page you. I think I pinpointed where the green carpet came from, but I don't think it is going to be much help." Sara moved her evidence around, avoiding to actually looking at the duo. "There was a rug in the daughter's bathroom, the fibers are a match."

"So when was she there?" The female detective asked to herself.

"I did however get a match from the skin under her fingernails. Michael Case. He has a record," Sara said, handing over the folder.

"Thanks... uh…?"

"Sara Sidle. Sorry, uh, I'm new here."

"I'm Olivia Benson, and this is my partner Elliot Stabler." Elliot just nodded before looking at Olivia.

"Let's go get ourselves a bad guy."

* * *

Olivia walked into a local veggie café about a block from her apartment after a long day. The café was cold and the third light from the back wouldn't stop flickering. The only patrons were a young couple, seated in the far corner booth, milking two fruit smoothies.

Olivia looked over the menu she already had memorized, debating over a tofu pasta and black bean wrap. As her mind waffled the pros of the wrap, the little bell telling her someone else was here rang loudly through the otherwise quiet place.

"Oh, you can go ahead of me," Olivia said, not really looking back at the newcomer as she started leaning towards the pasta.

"Olivia, right?" The voice was familiar, but it took looking around before she could quite place it. The new lab tech was standing there with a small, gap tooth smile. Her mind went to a joke about lab techs and vegetarians before giving the new tech a small smile, not really wanting to talk to anyone from work. In truth this place was an escape from work, a remembrance of her time spent in Oregon.

"Hi, how are you?" Olivia asked.

"Fine, just off." Sara left it at that before reverting her attention back to the black board menu. Olivia was thankful this woman was so reserved.

After a couple of seconds, Sara seemed to make up her mind and stepped in front of Olivia ordering a cucumber and avocado sandwich with an iced green tea. She then took a seat at a nearby booth as Olivia decided on the wrap.

Olivia placed her ordered and took a quick second to think about where to sit. While Sara seemed like a nice enough woman, she wasn't in the mood for more work right now. On the other hand she seemed to be lacking many women friends and she could use the company tonight.

"Mind if I join you?" Olivia asked politely. The tech seemed to be a little taken aback before smiling and nodding her head towards the seat.

"So busy day?" Sara asked in attempt to make small talk, not quite sure what the other woman was expecting from this meeting.

"Long," the older woman said with a tired smile. "So did you move in from another unit or…?"

"Vegas. I transferred from the crime lab down there," Sara said after a moment. Olivia watched the woman steady her breath, tracing an invisible finger around her left hand.

"Wow, that's a change," Olivia said with a smile. "I've never been out there, what's it like?"

"Hot and dry," Sara said with a laugh. "I mean it is just a different type of city down there. So are you from New York originally?"

"Born and raised. I honestly haven't been outside the city for much besides work," Olivia admitted.

Their conversation was interrupted by food. They continued the small talk over dinner, both liking the other woman more and more as the night wore on. They sat and talked in the restaurant for almost an hour after they finished eating and then moved their conversation to Olivia's apartment where she promised some wine.

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So yes, no? Like it? Please review.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I would really like to get some more feedback.

* * *

Some nights Sara couldn't sleep. She would sit down to watch tv and could never leave the couch. Memories would start hitting her only moments before the tiredness could. Before she knew it she was battling with staying awake in hopes to ward off the nightmares that would surely haunt her if her eyes closed for just a moment. So she stayed up, flipping through old shows as she tried to focus her mind anywhere else but _that _night.

Tonight was one of those nights. Every little noise made her that just more uneasy. The neighbor's door squeaked down the hall and the central heat kicked in throughout the evening, both which cause minor panic attacks. Sara's blanket was held tightly around her, wondering if she was going to find any peace tonight.

"_Don't look at me!" the monster's voice boomed. Something hard hit her across the face and she felt her body fall to the ground before she could reach Gil._

So instead of torturing herself by letting the night take over her, Sara pulled the blanket around her and focused all her attention on the old movie playing out in front of her as she silently prayed for daylight. It was nights like these that she wish she was still in Vegas, when the majority of her alone time was during daylight hours.

* * *

Sara and Olivia met a couple of times the next month. The first few times was mostly just the two of them meeting over some veggie style restaurant and then promised alcohol at one of their apartments. Sara liked the detective. She was smart, strong woman who was still super compassionate. It was easy to tell, like Sara, Olivia gets a little too emotionally involved in her cases. Sara had let out a little information of her past, small stuff, but still personal. Olivia would mention things too, small things that Sara was still left trying to connect the dots.

After a while, though, Olivia started inviting Sara out with the guys. She really seemed to fit in with everyone. Munch found an immediate liking to the woman. She was smart and didn't take someone's word as absolute truth. Fin was a little put off by her quietness but after a few meetings she started getting more comfortable around him and they continued to trade smartass comments back and forth. Elliot didn't get to involved with the new lab tech. He was honestly jealous about the time she spent with his best friend and decided it was probably for the best if he stayed clear of the woman.

* * *

Sara walked up the stairs to her apartment with a very tipsy Olivia following her. When she came through the door she saw a guy, back towards her waiting right outside her door.

"Can I help you?" Sara called out, keeping the distance and easy access to the stairs available.

"Sara!" Before Sara could process anything, the man had picked her up in a large bear hug.

"Greg… uh, please put me down," Sara said as Olivia stood giggling behind her. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to see the city and my friend," he said with a cheeky smile. Sara gave him a look as she moved to unlock her door and ushered Olivia and Greg in her apartment.

"Greg, this is Olivia, she is a detective up here. Greg and I worked together back in Vegas," Sara explained as she got Olivia and herself water.

"Ohh… so tell me all the juicy secrets about our dear friend!" Olivia said with a goofy laugh, taking the glass out of Sara's hand and downing it in one glop. Greg gave Olivia a look before returning his attention to Sara.

"Proper etiquettes suggest calling before you travel half way across the country to visit someone." Sara said shortly, losing what little drunk she did have from the night spent at Munch's.

"And you stopped answering your phones so I improvised. Sara, the trial starts next week. You need to come back," Greg stated, looking at his friend. She seemed different from the last time he saw her. Her hair was longer and straight. Her eyes looked like she hadn't slept in weeks, and the scar had started to fade. Even though it looked like she was enjoying the company of this detective, she still looked so sad. Greg thought about her after Natalie, and the look on her face was nothing compared to that. "Sorry, uh… how have you been Sara… you look…" Greg didn't even know how to finish that statement.

"Greg, I've been doing good. I just… I can't do this now." Sara pulled Greg into the kitchen, out of earshot from Olivia. "Look, I've started a new life here; I'm moving on, making friends. I can't go back there, relive it all again."

Greg's face showed his sympathy as he tried to explain his side, "Sara, he might walk without your testimony. Some of the evidence was thrown out, we have no murder weapon, we found no trace of him inside your house. You are the only one that can put him there."

Sara's face went pale immediately. She couldn't believe that there was a possibility that the bastard that took _everything_ from her could walk, but she honestly didn't have the strength to testify, to go over everything again.

"I can't," she barely whispered.

"Sara did you not just here what I was saying. Sara he killed your husband and now he could WALK!" Greg said getting frustrated. "Look, I get it, you went through hell, but don't you want to catch the bastard that did it?!" Greg could not understand her. If someone killed someone he loved he would want revenge, to send the guy away for life. Why didn't Sara want the same thing?

"Yes, but…"

"There's no but! He WILL walk if you don't!" Greg was officially frustrated, mad as hell that he had to raise his voice to a woman he cared so much for, but this woman in front of him didn't act like the Sara he knew in Vegas. "Do you not care about him at all?" As soon as the words left his mouth he regretted it. Sara stood there in complete shock, tears forming in her eyes.

"Get out Greg!" Greg didn't waste much time, regretting the conversation. He was just so frustrated. He was the first CSI on the scene. The image of his mentor lying in a pool of his own blood would never leave Greg's mind. After processing the scene they realized the torture had lasted all night before he was finally stabbed in the gut, left to bleed out. He knew Sara had been there the entire night. She had been tied up only ten feet from her dead husband, and then released before the sick bastard left. That night, processing that house and his dead boss's body never left him and he made himself sick to catch the sick bastard who was responsible and now Sara was just going to let him get away.

* * *

Olivia sobered up quickly after she realized how distressed her new friend seemed to be. At first she couldn't hear much of the conversation but that changed quickly as both Sara and her old friend argument grew on.

She caught parts, like the fact that Sara's husband was murder and the trial seemed to be coming up. Olivia thought back to her recent outings with Sara. She never once talked about a husband but Olivia picked up on the fact that at one point there was one, one Olivia thought was left back in Vegas with the other memories she never talked about. She wondered if any of this had to do with the fading scar across Sara's eye that no amount of make-up could ever quite cover up. Her new friend tried to keep the tough girl act, but anyone who got close could easily tell she was broken. Olivia had seen the signs but was honestly too scared to ask the questions.

"Umm… sorry about that," Sara said softly, coming back into the room.

"It's okay. Wanna talk about it, or better yet, want something more to drink?" Olivia asked with a mischievous smile before getting up to the liquor cabinet she was already good friends with.

"See, I knew there was a reason I liked you," Sara tried to joke. Olivia handed her a glass of vodka and sat down by her on the couch.

"So… that was…" Olivia started, unsure if she was pushing the line. Sara let out an exhausted laugh before looking at her new found best friend.

"Yeah… who knew you couldn't actually run away from your past?" Sara said with a smile though the look in her eyes was of only sadness.

Olivia offered a reassuring smile before saying, "You don't have to explain anything to me, but I'm here if you wanna talk. I'm a pretty good listener." Sara was on the verge of tears as she looked at her friend.

"I just screwed up so much in my life… I don't know what to do anymore," Sara confessed quietly. Olivia was confused, trying to connect the dots from what she heard from the earlier conversation but couldn't. "My husband, the love of my life was killed right in front of me and I can't even bring him justice because I was scared… because I still am." Sara just started crying. She could barely keep her glass from falling out of her hand before Olivia took it and placed it on the coffee table before pulling Sara into a hug.

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Promise that is not the end of Greg. Please review!


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